Why This Website?
My son Joel’s gaming addiction led him into the dangerous world of being cyberbullied and committing suicide. His story is etched deep in my heart and spirit. It permeates every pixel of this website.
Having focused my career on the digital industry for over a decade, I am keenly aware of much of the intriguing gaming industry and social media platforms. They offer a sense of community and sometimes stunning graphics to draw our children in and captivate them.
Sadly, many perils exist in the virtual world that are very real indeed. These type of games and apps should be discussed, monitored, and set time limits. In many cases, incredible, even lifelike, graphics introduce dark realms that may include violence, sex, and more to impressionable minds. Imagine experiences so immersive and the impact they can have. Few people really understand this. It is my hope to make you aware so that you may get help and get involved.
Joel’s Story.
Updated 12/4/23: Joel’s Birthday
Joel was a gifted child. As smart as he was, he never realized that he was on a very dangerous path.
From a young age, he exhibited remarkable talent and a quick mind. While he had strong convictions against drugs, cigarettes, and alcohol, he saw video games as a means of escape. He related the experience as being inside a movie. He especially loved the multi-tier platforms and the integrated communication with both friends and “new friends”. I don’t know that he considered anyone a stranger.
At age five, Joel’s life became upheaved when his mother and I divorced. She moved 800 miles away, taking our two children, ages 5 & 8 with her. Co-parenting for us was a challenge to say the least, and no doubt a strain on the children. We did the best we could. His mother remarried, as did I.
Our new blended family of six started with all four children under 11. Together, we devised a summertime family rule to set aside two days a week, proclaiming those days, “no electronics days”. Electronic games and apps were strictly off-limits those days, even for the adults. It blessed us with a gift of memories that I will forever treasure, and Joel and I managed to forge a bond over golf, fishing, tennis, frisbee, and talks about important things in life.
Joel was a natural with technology and sales. He had a very bright future.
Fast forward to December, 2018 when Joel moved back to Tallahassee to live with us right after turning 18. His knack for technology became clear over the next 13 months. My main mentor, Steve, a heavyweight in the Tallahassee business community, was struck by his technology potential. He encouraged Joel to pursue a career in technology. It made sense then for Joel to invest some time working with our business growth company. Our company’s Atlanta software technology manager, Jason, remarked,
“Joel is a natural with technology. Jeff, I only need to show him once, and he remembers everything. He even takes what he learns from me, and instinctively expands into levels where I have not yet taught him,”
Joel faced a challenge where he wanted to save $25,000 to make a point that he could succeed on his own, without “dad’s support”. He worked out a plan with an online friend, named Chris. Chris offered Joel a job and to help with his plan. “Joel, live with me in the company paid two bedroom home. You will pay no rent nor utilities. Over a year, I will help you save the $25,000, and give you $1500 a month for personal expenses. After one year, you then can follow Part II of your plan to return to Tallahassee, attend FSU, and pursue a four year tech degree.
Joel left Tallahassee, barely 19, in late January. Within five weeks of his move, he was settled, happy, and was looking forward to his Tallahassee return after obtaining his goal of saving $25,000. Then, after two months, on the way home, he had a heartbreaking breakup with his girlfriend. Once he arrived back to the rental house, Chris said both of their jobs were downsized. He would have a week off. Then they would be relocated to Ohio to stay with the company. Joel commented he would never return to Ohio.
Chris said he quickly got even more depressed.
He retreated into his comfortable space, which was playing online Call of Duty and World of Warcraft. While he didn’t drink nor take any drugs, he did escape into online video games. I knew of some of the inherent dangers, yet NOW, I realize after over 800+ hours of research, that these are surreal, high-energy battles.
Over the following four days, Joel immersed himself in these two dark games. Both online games lead players into a surreal virtual world. They have high-resolution graphics combined with intense, violent battles. Both games can be quite addictive. As Joel delved more deeply into dark and unworldly places, it was as if he were in a trance. Chris told me he became oblivious to almost everything else. He quickly spiraled downward. Per Chris,
“He played online four straight days and nights. I estimated he played 75 to 80 hours over those four days. I do not even know if he slept much as the noise was a constant coming from his room. He only came out to get the pizzas he ordered.”
These online video games can be dangerous. There are few rules, limitations, or distinction between reality and fantasy. Add in being unmonitored without time limits, and there is a perfect toxin for possible suicide. One of Joel’s favored new online gaming partners turned out to be a 13-year-old boy in Canada.
He listened as Joel shared the depression he was feeling. Callously, without any filter, this boy prodded Joel to take his life. For over an hour, he pressed Joel. I do have the police transcripts of their texts.
Joel told him, “My roommate just knocked on my door and handed me my pizza. He said he was going outside to call his girlfriend.” Joel added this, which still gives me chills. “When Chris, my roommate handed me the pizza, I saw him set his gun on his bed as he headed outside.” Heartlessly, this 13-year-old stepped up his pressure, telling Joel to just grab the gun and do it. He said, “One shot, and you will have peace. Remember Joel, you get to come back and have another life. Joel, we do this all the time.” Joel’s reply was simple. I don’t think it works that way.
Joel’s lines were blurred, likely being in a state of delusion as Chris, his boss/roommate conveyed to my best friend John, and me. Joel then impulsively took his advice after an hour of cyberbullying. My son is now gone. I realize evermore, the dangers of cyberbullying. At his memorial service, a close friend took me aside and said,
“Jeff, one day after you’ve had some time to heal, maybe two or three years down the road, you’ll find a way to use this horrible event to help others. Maybe you will save other lives.”
A seed was planted.
A note – It was a very rough time for me in several other ways also. The day before Joel’s online friend cyberbullied him into shooting himself, I received a call from Atlanta office. We needed to shut down our Business Growth Company; because COVID was disrupting our Sales Calls and in-person appointments. I have been on straight commission all my life, so I instantly lost 90% of my Sales Income.
Joel was gone the next day. Just 13 days later, my only brother, (no sisters) fell down a staircase. His two sons are in the medical field and knew the seriousness this. We drove to Tampa. Just 36 hours later, we had to pull the plug on his life support.
I arrive back in Tallahassee, with two minor surgeries scheduled. Dr Stevens, a great hand doctor, had to replace both of my middle knuckles with steel knuckles. Simple, restrictive, painful, and not what I needed right then. Right after losing both my only son and only brother. So grieving for my son, we had the memorial several days later. Then I lose my brother shortly afterward. This somewhat disabling surgery follows a week later. It was quite a time of reflection, to say the least.
Your Children’s World.
A friend shared this, “Jeff, when life kicks you, it usually kicks you forward.”
To develop this website for parents, grandparents, and guardians, to hinder, if not prevent, what happened to Joel, has been therapeutic. I do not want any parent to have to bury their children, because Social Media Apps and/or Online Video Games Addictions influenced it, if not downright causing it. Let us fast forward now:
Three years later after Joel was gone, I attended a local NEBA meeting. Our outstanding sheriff, fabulous police chief, and effective state attorney; shared stories about how youth crimes and suicides were increasing. They attributed the heavy influence of online apps and video games. They emphasized how they contribute towards the downward spiral many of our youth experience today. This struck a chord. It was eerily like what I believe Joel experienced. Yikes.
I asked if there was a website that help parents navigate these apps and online video games. A place, a website, to provide resources to help them in the battle for our children’s well-being. The answer was a resounding “No…we do not know of one we can encourage parents to utilize.” I mentioned I would develop a website to get this process on base.
My plan was to invest about $2,000 and 50 hours. Then give the website to the Leon School Board, Leon Cty Sheriff’s office, Tallahassee Police Department, and the State Attorney’s Office. I met individually with all four leaders twice. They wanted the complete website built. I said I would put in the research needed, and prepare, yet this will be quite a personal challenge. I would relive some of the deep pain losing my son. They offered any of their resources if needed.
My plan of putting in 50 hours and maybe $2,000, quickly went to about 1200 hours, including 800 hours of research. Including the writings, an immense amount of tech help, two attorneys involved with copyright, and other legal areas, I added in about $8,000. The urgency was stressed to me to go full bore with it. I said I would try to have it ready maybe by June of 2023. They said with all four separate departments, trying to do it separately, and then together, it might take until the summer of 2024.
I agreed on one condition. I could stay anonymous, and it would be a gift. Then the message was delivered that CBS, (60 Minutes), ABC and CNN was interested in a national story. I would simply need to agree to be part of the narrative. They shared, “It is the story behind the story”. (I ask you this. Would you like your name opened with your son or daughter committing suicide as part of the “story”, as they shared their opening script.)
It took three meetings before I agreed to be visible with it. Yet it would need to be later, in 2024. There is a different level of having a website shift from being locally focused to having a national perspective and audience.
We wanted to be a one-stop website for parents, grandparents, and guardians. They can see answers, information, resources, local and national professional mental health leaders, blogs on AI, and other technology.
I now see their wisdom, and it has now become a passion. We formed a 501c3, and named it Your Children’s World. We have a solid board of seven Georgia and Florida Leaders, while we develop our “team of experts”. I certainly do not want this to happen to other parents, grandparents, and guardians.” Every day, we see the urgent need for a down-the-middle website. To not have any politics or commercialization. To have a safe place, to provide information, resources, and solutions, to parents, youth, grandparents, and guardians.
It has been an evolving process. This is a race to keep up while technology is leaping forward daily. Know this: Nothing in history has ever captured our youth’s focus even close to the level of the current apps and video games. (With AI, VR, and AR advances, I liken it this way. It is becoming ever more addictive, perhaps like a youth switching from marijuana to crack cocaine. It is that serious. This is what is ahead for our youth and many adults.) Virtual Reality Gaming, (VR) and Augmented Reality, (AR) are about to step up once again. We are close to when the prices become Mainstreet friendly, game speed advances, and graphics ever more alluring. It is rapidly approaching.
These online video games continually increase their intensity, action options, and add higher graphics. Observe your children, be aware.
In candor, I did not know the level of addiction, violence, language, and pure energy that permeates these online video games. I welcome input from you as well. When our youth move out, no one will be there to monitor activities and choices. What we have taught them earlier in life has to serve as their filter going forward. So here it is, ParentDigitalAnswers.org. The facebook page is Facebook.com/YourChildrensWorld.
This website is part of Your Childrens’ World Inc., a 501c3. Tax # 93-3034335. Please consider donating to this as it is a tax-free write-off. Just click the donate button on the home page. Help us spread this message with our mission to all the cities in America, and then, beyond.
The realization of that prescient remark at my son Joel’s memorial service on that painful day back in 2020, is now my mission, my complete focus. We ask you to consider a one time gift, or even donate just $19 a month. Joel’s age, 19, when he was taken from myself, and everyone who loved him. Thank you.
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