Why this website:
My son Joel’s gaming addiction led him to suicide. His tragic story is etched in my mind forever and permeates every pixel of this website.
Having focused my career on the digital industry for over a decade, I am keenly aware of much of the intriguing gaming industry and social media platforms. They offer a sense of community and sometimes stunning graphics to draw our children in and captivate them.
These type of games and apps should be discussed, monitored, and set time limits.
Sadly, many perils exist in the virtual world that are very real indeed. In many cases, incredible, even lifelike, graphics introduce dark realms that may include violence, sex, and more to impressionable minds. Imagine experiences so immersive and the impact they can have. Few people really understand this. It is my hope to make you aware so that you may get help and get involved.
Joel’s Story
Joel was a gifted child. From a young age, he exhibited remarkable talent and a quick mind. This is updated a little today, 12/4/23, Joel's birthday.
While he had strong convictions against drugs, cigarettes, and alcohol, he saw video games as a means of escape. He related the experience as being inside a movie. He especially loved the multi-tier platforms and the integrated communication with both friends and “new friends”. I don’t know that he considered anyone a stranger. As smart as he was, he never realized that he was on a very dangerous path.
At age five, Joel’s life became upheaved when his mother and I divorced. She moved 800 miles away, taking our two children, ages 5 & 8 with her. Co-parenting for us was a challenge to say the least, and no doubt a strain on the children.
Joel & I with 7 lb trouts
We did the best we could. His mother remarried, as did I. Our new blended family of six started with all four children under 11. Together, we devised a summertime family rule where we set aside two days a week, proclaiming those days, “no electronics days”. Electronic games and apps were strictly off limit these days, even for the adults.
It blessed us with a gift of memories that I will forever treasure. Although our time was abbreviated, Joel and I managed to forge a bond over golf, fishing, tennis, frisbee, and talks about important things in life. Fishing was a major joy we shared, with deep bonding and discussions.
Fast forward to December, 2018 when Joel moved back to Tallahassee to live with us after turning 18. Over a period of thirteen months here, his knack for technology became clear. My main mentor. Steve, a heavyweight in the Tallahassee business community, was struck by his potential. He encouraged him to pursue a career in technology. It made sense then for Joel to invest some time working with our business growth company.
Joel's Tech & Sales Mgrs with 360 Digital Business Solutions
Joel's 60 lb Tarpon-The Keys
“Joel is a natural with technology. Jeff, I only need to show him once,and he remembers everything. He even takes what he learns from me, and instinctively expands into levels where I have not yet taught him,” remarked our company’s Atlanta software technology manager.
Joel faced a challenge where he wanted to save $25,000 to make a point that he could do this on his own, without "dad's support. He worked out a plan with an online friend, named Chris. Chris offered Joel a job and to help with his plan.
"Joel, live with me in the company paid two bedroom home, no rent nor utilities. Over a year, I will help you save the $25,000, and give you $1500 a month for personal expenses. After one year, you then can follow Part II of your plan to return to Tallahassee, attend FSU, and pursue a four year tech degree.
Joel left Tallahassee, barely 19, in late January. Within five weeks of his move, he was settled, happy and was looking forward to his Tallahassee return after obtaining his goal of saving $25,000. Then, on the way home, he had a heartbreaking breakup with his girlfriend. Once he arrived back to the rental house, Chris said both of their jobs were down-sized and they would need to relocate to Ohio to stay with the company. Joel commented he would never return to Ohio, and Chris said he quickly got depressed.
He retreated into his comfortable space, which was playing online Call of Duty and World of Warcraft. While he didn't drink nor take any drugs, he did escape into online video games. I knew of some of the inherit danger, yet now I realize after 200+ hours of research, that these are surreal, high-energy battles.
Over the following four days, Joel immersed himself in these two dark games. Both online games lead players into a surreal virtual world, with high resolution graphics combined with intense, energetic battles. It can be quite addictive. As Joel delved more deeply into dark and unworldly places, it was as if he were in a trance. Chris told me he became oblivious to almost everything else. He quickly spiraled downward.
Per Chris, “He played online four straight days and nights. I estimate he played 75 to 80 hours over those four days. I do not even know if he slept even as the noise was a constant coming from his room. He only came out to get his pizzas he ordered.”
These online video games can be dangerous. There are few rules, limitations, or distinction between reallty and fantasy. Add in unmonitored without time limits, and there is a perfect toxin for possible suicide. One of Joel’s favored new online gaming partners turned out to be a 13-year-old boy in Canada.
He listened as Joel shared the depression he was feeling. Callously, without any filter, this boy prodded Joel to take his life. For over an hour he pressed Joel. I do have the police transcripts. of their texts.
Joel told him, “My roommate just knocked on my door and handed me my pizza. He said he was going outside to call his girlfriend." Joel then said, after he glanced into Chris’s room as Chris handed him his pizza. "Chris, my roommate just set his gun on his bed as he headed outside."
Heartlessly, this 13-year-old stepped up his pressure, telling Joel to just grab the gun and do it. He said, “One shot, and you will have peace. Remember Joel, you get to come back and have another life. Joel, we do this all the time."
Joel's lines were blurred, likely being in a state of delusion as Chris, his boss/roommate conveyed to myself and my best friend John, who was with me. Joel then impulsively took his advice. My son is now gone.
At his memorial service, a close friend took me aside and said, “Jeff, one day after you’ve had some time to heal, maybe two or three years down the road, you’ll find a way to use this horrible event to help others. Maybe you will save someone else’s life.” A seed was planted.
A note-It was a very rough time for me personally in several other ways also. The day before Joel 's online friend harassed him into shooting himself, I received a call from Atlanta to shut down our Business Growth Company, because COVID was disrupting our Sales Calls and in person Appointments. I have been on straight commission all my life, so I instantly lost 90% of my Sales Income.
Joel was gone the next day. Just 13 days later, my only brother, (no sisters) fell down a staircase. His two sons are in the medicial field and knew the seriousness of what was going on. We flew to Tampa, 36 hours later, we had to pull the plug on his life support. I arrive back to Tallahassee, with two minor surgeries. Dr Stevens, a great doctor, had to replace both of my middle knuckles with steel knuckles. Simple, yet restricting, painful, and not what I needed right then, after losing both my only son and only brother.
So grieving for my son, we had the memorial several days later. Then I lose my brother shortly afterwards. Then to have this somewhat disabling surgery a week later. It was quite a time of reflection to say the least. A friend shared this, "Jeff, when life kicks you, it usually kicks you forward."
To develop this website for parents, grandparents, and guardians, to hinder, if not prevent, what happened to Joel, has been therapetic. I do not want any parent to have to bury their children because Social Media Apps and/or Online Video Games Addictions influencied it, if not downright causiing it. Let us fast forward now:
Three years later after Joel was gone, I attended a local NEBA meeting. Our outstanding sheriff, fabulous police chief, and strong willed, effective state attorney, shared stories about how youth crimes and suicides were increasing. They attributed the heavy influence of online apps and video games. They emphasized how they contribute towards the downward spirals many of our youth experience today. This struck a chord. It was eerily like what I believe Joel experienced. Yikes.
I asked if there was a website that help parents navigate these apps and online video games. A place, a website, to provide resources to help them in the battle for our children’s well-being. The answer was a resounding “No…we do not know of one we can encourage parents to utilize.” I mentioned I would develop a website to get this process on base.
My plan was to invest about $2,000 and 50 hours, and give the website to the Leon School Board, Leon Cty Sheriff's office, Tallahasee Police Department and the State Attorney's office. I had met with all four leaders twice, and they wanted the complete website built. I said I will put in the research needed, and prepare, yet this will be quite a personal challenge, as I would relive some of the past losting my son. They offered any of their resources if needed.
My plan of putting in 50 hours and maybe $2,000, quickly went to about 400 hours, including 200 hours of initial research. Incluing the writings, immense amount of tech help, two attorneys involved with copyright and other legal areas, I added in about $8,000. The urgency was stressed to me to go full bore with it. I said I would try to have it ready maybe by June of 2023. They said with all four separate departments, trying to do it separate, and then together, it might take until the summer of 2024.
I agreed on one condition. I could stay anonymous , and it would be a gift. Then the message was delivered that CBS, ABC and CNN was interested in a national story, if i would agree to be part of the narrative. It took three meetings before i agreed to be visible with it. They shared, "It is the story behind the story". (I ask you this. Would you like your name opened with your son or daughter committing suicide as part of the "story", as they shared their opening script.)
Jeff Griggs had his son Joel commit suicide, after playing 80 hours of online video games in 4 days. So he decided to develop this all in one website, as a one stop place for parents, grandparents, and guardians. They can gain answers, information, resources, local and national professional mental health leaders, blogs on Ai, and other technology, ...
While I was asked to develop this website, do 200+ hours of just research, put it into a game-planed website, with large amounts of pertinent knowledge, and how to applyied this knowledge.
Reluctantly it has moved forward this way, yet now I see their wisdom. So it has now become a passion. We formed a 501c3, have a solid board of nine Georgia and Florida Leaders, and are developing our "team of experts".
I certainly do not want this to happen to other parents, grandparents and guardians." It has moved forward rapidly, and I see every day, the urgent need for this. A down the middle, no narrative, no commecialization safe place, to provide information, resources, and help solutions to parents, youth, grandparents, and guardians.
